Psychic Psychos

Hullo chums, I haven't written in a while as I am ashamed to say I have been whoring my writing skills to msn spaces. So, I am posting this both here and there! Woo! http://spaces.msn.com/members/romhoncom if you wish to see my other babblings.

So, to the point...

After watching Derren Brown (though, to be honest, at the start it was only because his hair fascinated me. Is it ginger? Is it brown? Nobody knows!) I have come to the conclusion that psychics are complete frauds. That’s not to say that I wouldn’t go and see one if I got the chance – it would be funny – but only if it was free. Which brings me on to my next point…

My friend told me yesterday that she had been to see a psychic with her mate. She also told me that it cost her £40 – with a student discount. £40 for making stuff up? I can read psychics' minds - 'I predict I’m gonna be rich!'

She told me that the psychic was really accurate in describing her personality and what her family is like. Wow. Why do you need a psychic to tell you what your family are like? If I went to see a psychic and they started describing the inner workings of my parent’s minds I would yell ‘I KNOW WHAT MY FAMILY ARE LIKE, I SEE THEM EVERY SODDING DAY, TELL ME MY FUTURE, BITCH!’ The capitals mean I’m yelling. Computers are fun.

After this, she said that the psychic had told her that her family would be rich and move house at the end of this year, and that she would have a serious boyfriend in 2007. She also predicted that Jenny had a ‘strong female presence’. Considering she still lives at home, I assume that would be.... Her mother?!

Firstly, the psychic could say that about anyone’s family, because no one is going to be able to find her to kick her when their family is living in a box. Secondly, my friend is 17. This means in 2 years time she will be 19. This is the age that most people get a serious boyfriend. Well done, Mystic Ming, you can at least think logically.

So, in the space of 45 minutes (that’s almost £1 an hour, people!), the psychic told my friend how she already is, how her family is, how to be a better person and a couple of things that a chimp could predict about the average 17 year olds life. Woop. Through my friend and my friend’s chum, she made £80.

That's my career path sorted then.

Choo.

Terribly sorry, I lost my password again. I'm back now though, so I think I will rant...

Trains! I love going on them, tis peaceful, but I really don't like the other people on them. Take this morning, while on the 7:30 train to Waterloo to go to a French lecture thing, our group of 14 had to split up from the block of seats we were given as the carriage was packed - nobody complained. Then 2 relatively old people got on (the sort that bother to write in with spelling and grammar corrections to local newspapers, and look as though they collect figurines of 'exquisitely beautiful porcelain ballet dancer's) and proceeded to argue with the woman in their seats for 10 minutes. There were 2 seats right behind them.
Secondly, at the lecture, my friend and I dared to sit on a different space on a row of benches after the lunch break. GOOD GOD NO! This isn't a good move, apparently the seats belonged to the previous arses they had been sat on by. Even though they hadn't left their stuff there..
And lastly, on the train again, a group of 3 business type people got on. I wanted to kill them all within the first 10 minutes. The main man kept calling people on his mobile and greeting people with an immensely annoying 'heeeeeeelllooo', and typing on his laptop with amazing force. I didn't even think it was possible to type loudly on a laptop keyboard. Then, after half an hour, they started talking about complete BULLSHIT but trying to make it sound intelligent. It's fun to use caps. These are my favourite parts of the conversation:

• 'Most people are driven to buy things according to what brand they are made by and don't dare to be different' And judging by his 'Apple' laptop, he definitely isn't one of those people.. right?
• 'I honestly believe that other people don't want choice, they want to be told what to do' What time was your meeting again?
• *to his friend listening to an I-pod* 'You're different to most, you're a free thinker' So free thinking in fact, that he is using a silver plated I-pod, listening to music from the 80's and probably wondering what 'buzz words' to use tomorrow. Free thinking, buddy, is leading a revolution, inventing something.. not board meetings at 8 and coffee breath.

Also, something about TV with 200 channels being rubbish because he 'didn't have time to go through them to find something to watch'. You're right, if you only have 200 channels these days then you're being ripped off. And if that's the case, WHY DO YOU HAVE IT?!!

I'm done, they just annoyed me.. and one of them kept kicking me under the table... bah. Anyway, I will be back to my old sarcastic self, and updating soon...

Mwahahaha.

It's only words....

...but words are all I have, to take your heart awaaaaaaaay. Enough of this nonsense! Sorry I haven't updated in a while, I'd love to say it's because I discovered a life but lying makes a kitten die. I lost the password to my blogger account, but fear not, I return!

So here are some words/phrases that greatly amuse me:

1. Wiggle - tis like combining 'wig' and 'giggle'. I want a giggling wig.
2. Plucked goose
3. Lopsided - how strange
4. Cow lick
5. Tap

And here are some words that make me want to CRUSH AND DESTROY EVERYTHING:

1. Fresh
2. Squeeze
3. Juice
4. Ooze
5. Pure

So, as you can imagine, drinking freshly squeezed pure orange juice is quite a difficult thing for me. I wish I was kidding.

Now, I shall go. I've been Chrissy, you've been wasting your time.

Me

I'm going to be completely self centered for a bit. There's absolutely nothing you can do about it... mwahahah... no please don't leave... I was just kidding! Please!
So anyway, some things you didn't need to know -

1. I was slightly saddened when Busted split up. I know you were too.
2. I wish I never dyed my hair blacky brown.
3. I hate minted peas. They are the work of Satan.
4. I think Matt Lucas is funnier than David Walliams.
5. I think tuna is fantastic.
6. So's wasting your time.
7. Teeheehee
8. Romhoncom means romantic honest comedy, I nicked the romzomcom thing from Shaun of the Dead. I have no originality *sigh*
9. I don't like mushrooms. Except squishing them.
10. I don't know what I want to do in the future, but I do know I want to own a duck that says 'meeeeep!' instead of 'quack'.

Congratulations, you are enlightened.

Kids

I don't like kids. Well I like baby goats, but I mean the human kind of kid.
Whenever I go out with my friends and we see a child aged between 0 - 4 years, they turn into strange, goggle-eyed loons and most times will say 'awwww!' or something to that effect. They'll probably turn into those women who see children and start talking gibberish - they spend so much time saying that children should be treated as adults, but would you go up to your friends and say 'coochi cooo aww bubba!'? Well, maybe you would but I don't want to know.
I don't understand why they're so 'cute' anyway, I'm saving my admiration for when you can control your incontinence. Sod's law though, I'll always end up stuck behind some snot nosed little brat clinging to their hassled looking mother's hand in a queue, and they'll always stare straight at you. At this point, you have 3 options -

1. Look away
2. Stare them out
3. 'Playfully' hit them. In the face.

Anyway, I'm done, I just had to rant.

Best and Worst of 2004

I've decided to follow everyone else like a big fluffy sheep (when I imagine sheep they are big, fluffy and smell like Lenor, though in reality they tend to be matted and shit smeared.. meh). Here are my best and worst moments of 2004:

Best

• The summer holidays! Lounging around in the (lack of) sun, watching tv and being with my boyfriend. Fun!
• Passing all my exams (except Graphics, but my teacher's only achievement in life was the fact she's friends with Leilani. Yeah.. I don't know either).
• Toast. It's the best part of any year.
• Discovering Marks and Spencer's biscuit curls. Mmmmm...

Worst

• Christmas. My Dad getting drunk is not worth any amount of presents (well, maybe a pony).
• My Aunt's funeral. Kinda a downer.
• Falling out with a friend of 3 years. I have no idea what happened but then again neither does anyone else.
• Getting hiccups frequently.

So there you have it. There's probably other things to add to both lists but I have lost interest already and am in need of food. Coming soon - I don't know, probably Jodie Marsh.

Here Goes Nothing

Hello, you're probably reading this because I threatened.. um.. asked you to. If not, kindly hit 'back' and resume your tireless search for porn.
I am Christa, though I prefer Chrissy, and this is the first stage in my attempt at becoming a comedy writer. You may not know me, if you do it will be as the strange girl who has to resort to talking to herself for lack of anyone else to listen. I do try to talk to my friends but they usually go for the 'look vague and nod, she'll give up eventually' look. They aren't the brightest people in the world (one of them asked me what score I got in an IQ test, then asked what grade that was). You probably won't have thought of me as funny before, and you may not now, but this is what I want to do and I hope something will come of this blog.
Bored yet? I am. Anyway, that is me. I will update this as often as I can, about anything I want. Hurrah!